Pregnancy & Labor- there is tons of personal stories, technique classes and couching for the big day but not a lot of women talk about the moment you take your new little one home...
Being a new Mother I was ready to go home. Ready for my own bed, shower, comfort of home. Not a lot was ever talked about what happens next. Thank the Lord for Motherly instincts and a patient helpful husband. Talk about a roller coaster of emotions that I had little control over. Not the crazy mean lady emotions just the crying, I'm going to miss you so much emotions. My poor sister probably thought I was going to die when she came to say goodbye! I finally had to tell them to just leave cause I wanted to stop crying lol! After a few nights of no sleep and naps during the day were unheard of I started to get the hang of things. I will say I never felt like I ever had a newborn... Our poor little guy had colic the first four weeks and never slept good or even napped that long and was awake for what seemed like forever. Crying all the time, not wanting to be held. He was so uncomfortable and the hardest part was there wasn't anything we could do. :( No one ever talks about this part. The part were your stress maxes out, were depression is so close to a reality. No one ever tells you that yes it is true you get to a point where you want to shake your baby, no one ever talks about these times because in some way the "world" classifies you as a "bad" Mother for having these thoughts. Why is there shame in this? Its an emotion not an action. Your world just changed FOREVER and will never be the same and some how we are supposed to keep it all together. Yes I love my child and would never change my life but why is it that this part of the baby story is left out?
Getting to know your little one is amazing. Their first smile melts your heart, the little cuddles you get could stop time and the milestones of growth are so heart warming. Bryson is almost ready to roll over and every time I have my camera ready to video it and he's sooo close! I just know the time he does I will not be ready :)
Around three months I started to lose my hair. I remember a friend telling me she went through the same thing. I looked it up on the internet and it said your hormones change around this time and some women lose hair from not even noticeable to dramatic. I will classify myself as dramatic!! When I take a shower and dry my hair I think cousin IT should be hiding in the bathroom. When we vacuum there is more of my hair then the dogs hair! Thank God I have a thick full head of hair but if this keeps up I may have to buy a wig! A few weeks ago I started to eat smaller portions and less calories with some exercise. I was doing great, lost 9lbs and felt so alive. With in a week my milk supply dropped so significantly that Bryson was even getting fussy I had to take a break. I was more depressed over my milk supply being so low then having to increase my calorie intake. It only took a couple days and everything is back on track so I am going to rearrange my food intake and hopefully keep things were they are.
Summer is defiantly on its way! The geese are in the yard, hummingbirds and bees are flying around and we are taking advantage of the warm weather. Bryson will be four months on Tuesday and we have a great picture to share. He is our handsome little man!
Happy Spring!
