Mama Memories: Becoming a Mom

To be honest, it was a hard adjustment for me becoming a Mom. Going from a career orientated women to a stay at home mom was a 180 that took some time to get used to. I feel like I missed out on the newborn moments that everyone talks about. The moments of snuggling with your baby, wanting to hold and look at them all day and just feel so in love. I struggled with wanting to love this little baby we created. Love him in a way I envisioned. Bryson had colic for the first four weeks of life so I missed out on the moments of cuddling because he was in so much pain he cried and kept his little body tense all the time. I missed out on wanting to be with him and no one else because when that time came I was so exhausted from trying to get him calm I needed my space. I struggled so much with the thought I was not being a good mom because of my lack of love when I needed a break.  My struggle was my own. I knew I loved this little boy beyond life its self and the struggle was me, exhausted trying to find a new style of life that worked for everyone in the family and to meet the needs of my new son. While B and I were new parents the first four weeks we struggled with each other. Its like learning a new dance together. You will step on each others toes every now and then but soon you will be flawless and it will be beautiful. I remember the day Bryson's colic was gone. He was a happy baby, so full of life and just peaceful. We finally got to cuddle.

Those first few weeks seemed to last forever. My struggle with being a new mom and feeling I wasn't doing everything I could was a lie I was believing. I did everything I knew was right. I loved my baby and was there for him. This Mom thing is pretty darn precious. The first laugh, the first role over and best of all the smile you get when you walk into the room. The smile that says "Hi Mom".

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